Ferryasco: An ill wind doth sink the Ark of Klickitat
In the seventh year of the third millennium, war and famine and pestilence plagued the world. But there was contentment in the Land of Jefferson.
The people lived quietly beside the Waters of Puget, paddling their kayaks, hiking in the woods, soaking in hot tubs, and sustaining themselves with organic soy milk and leavened breads of whole wheat grains. And to pay for these things, the people rented rooms or sold pizzas and T-shirts to travelers from distant lands who arrived at their shores aboard the Ark of Quinault or the Ark of Klickitat.
And the people and their visitors were soothed by the harmonious chords of David the Minstrel, who plucked his Celtic harp and peddled his CDs in the upper chambers of the Ark of Klickitat, there to serenade the people and the orcas.
Now it came to pass that Queen Christine, who ruled the northwest provinces, no longer favored the music of David, for the Minstrel and his CDs were not officially sanctioned. And thus the minstrel was banished from the upper chambers of the Ark of Klickitat.
At hearing of this, the people were sorrowful. But, yea, the travelers continued to come to shores of the Land of Jefferson, renting the rooms and buying the pizzas and T-shirts. And, lo, the people were happy.
But in the eighth year of the reign of George the Second, a dark, ominous cloud moved across the Waters of Puget, and settled over the Land of Jefferson. And a great deluge soaked the lands of the southern provinces. And snow inundated the mountains, blocking the roads. And a fierce, cold wind arose, whipping the Waters of Puget, and buffeting the homes of the people, and rocking the Ark of Klickitat and the Ark of Quinault.
And it came to pass that Queen Christine was greatly troubled, for her advisors reported verily that the Ark of Quinault and the Ark of Klickitat were growing old. And the advisors said unto her: “Beware, O’ Queen, for the ancient arks were built in the Time of Moses, and they are in great danger of breaking up and sinking into the Waters of Puget.”
And it came to pass that, on the Eve of the Feast of Thanksgiving, Queen Christine said unto the people: “Behold, the ancient arks shall be banished from the Waters of Puget. No more shall they carry tourists to the shores of the Land of Jefferson.”
Thus it was spoken. And thus it was done.
Hearing this, the people were contented no more. For the great storm had laid waste to the roads and bridges. And the ancient arks were banished, thus deterring the tourists from travelling to the Land of Jefferson. And thus the merchants and moneychangers were unable to rent their rooms or to sell their pizzas and T-shirts.
And the people descended into the streets and made a great noise, falling to the ground and rending their garments and calling aloud: “Woe unto us! What hath Christine Wrought? For the arks of Klickitat and Quinault shall sail no more!”
Now, hearing this, Queen Christine was troubled. And she said unto the people: “Lo, my people, I feel thy pain, and I will address thy plight!”
And, behold, the Queen offered to build new and larger arks, carrying more travelers and more cars, with great piers and parking lots.
But the people said unto her: “No, Great Queen! The great arks shall bring too many cars and parking lots. And this will disrupt the tranquility of the Land of Jefferson. Thou must bring back the Ark of Klickitat!”
And so the Queen offered unto them another vessel, the Ark of Snohomish, with two great hulls and turbine engines that guzzled fuel and drove the vessel at very high speed.
But the people said unto her: “No, Great Queen. Because the Ark of Snohomish carryeth not cars. And, hath they not cars, the travelers will not come to our shores.”
And, verily, when the Ark of Snohomish came, it carried not visitors from distant lands, but rather carried the people of Jefferson to the Great City to the South, where the people visited the dens of iniquity. So the people of the Land of Jefferson were even more greatly distressed, saying unto the Queen: “The Ark of Snohomish hath only worsened our plight!”
So Queen Christine said unto the people: “Fear not. For I shall give you a smaller vessel, the Ark of Steilacoom, and surely this shall bring happiness to the Land of Jefferson.”
So it was that the Ark of Steilacoom sailed upon the Waters of Puget and moored at the shores of the Land of Jefferson.
But again the people cried aloud, and fell upon the ground and rended their garments, saying: “Behold, the Ark of Steilacoom is too small, and it carryeth too few people and there shall not be enough travelers to buy our pizzas and T-shirts.”
Now there arose from the north another dark cloud, which descended upon the Land of Jefferson, bringing even greater winds and fearsome seas. And a great, rogue wave smote the Ark of Snohomish, breaking its doors and windows. And another great wave smote the Ark of Steilacoom so that the car deck was awash with the green Waters of Puget. And yet another great wave smote the very large Ark of Yakima, cracking its hull so that it sailed no more.
Now the people were sorely afraid. And Queen Christine was even more greatly troubled, so that she cried upon the heavens, saying: “Woe upon us all! What hath we done to bring such troubles upon us all? What must we do to atone?”
And, lo, the Waters of Puget were quieted. And winds were calmed. And the rains subsided. And the dark clouds parted, and a very deep voice from on high said unto the Land of Jefferson:
“Thou shalt bring back the Minstrel David. And only then shall peace return to the Waters of Puget.”
